


I Might Die But I Want You To At Least Love Me

by Piochaaan



Category: GOT7
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Hanahaki AU, Hanahaki Disease, Happy Ending, M/M, Near Death, Romance, Unrequited Love, first story im submitting oof, what else am i supposed to tag..
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-19
Updated: 2018-06-19
Packaged: 2019-05-25 11:39:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14976401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Piochaaan/pseuds/Piochaaan
Summary: Hanahaki Disease; An illness that affects a patient who has suffered from a one-sided love, the symptoms from this disease is the patient vomits flower petals and suffers from heart ache. Can be surgically removed but side effect of removal is lost of all emotions for the other person--Youngjae loves Jaebum but Jaebum loves Jinyoung, causing Youngjae to grow a peculiar disease.





	I Might Die But I Want You To At Least Love Me

Hanahaki Disease; An illness that affects a patient who has suffered from a one-sided love, the symptoms from this disease is the patient vomits flower petals and suffers from heart ache. Can be surgically removed but side effect of removal is lost of all emotions for the other person

Youngjae was heartbroken hearing the good news earlier that day.  
Jaebum and Jinyoung are officially in a relationship. At that moment Youngjae’s mind didn’t process the news and quickly masked his devastation and congratulated the two and wished them for happiness in the future. Youngjae left the room before he could show any emotion other than happiness.   
A few hours have already passed and Youngjae still sat outside as the sky darkened and grew colder. He didn’t mind the cold; he was already numb to everything anyways. Laughter from inside broke Youngjae’s train of thought and made him look back, curious on who could be inside, and in his mind, laughing at his pain.  
Oh Oh no.  
It was the new couple that even just looking at them caused pain to his heart. Jaebum was cuddling up to Jinyoung’s back causing Jinyoung to laugh. Youngjae was hurting even more seeing them happy. Youngjae couldn’t help but imagine it being him instead of Jinyoung getting all of Jaebums affection. He shook his head to get rid of the thought. He couldn’t take it anymore, it hurt too much. He felt something coming up from his throat, turning away whatever was coming up came faster and he couldn’t take it anymore. Dropping down to his knees Youngjae proceeded to vomit and shake.   
Starting to cry from the force Youngjae tried to open his eyes, through the tears he saw something white with tips of red. Clearing his eyes Youngjae looked closely at the flower petals he just vomited. He stared in disbelief and a little bit of concern, picking up the petals he stood up quickly and struggled to stay up. Billion thoughts rushed to his head, dizzy with a headache growing, he ignored it and slid open the sliding door to the patio and rushed inside. Feeling coming back to his body, Youngjae shivered and winced at the stinging feeling once the warmth hit his frosty body. Rushing passed a surprised and a bit embarrassed Jaebum and Jinyoung and ignoring their calls, Youngjae ran into the bathroom and sat in front of the door. Breathing heavily and trying to regain his mind Youngjae looked down into his hand and shocked that the petal was still there, slightly slicked with saliva, but still there. Shakingly taking out his phone, Youngjae opened the browser and started searching. It took him a couple of minutes but he finally found it, he had a disease so unbelievable he thought it was only possible from someone's shitty fanfic. (sweats)  
Throwing up flowers??? Deciding to look deeper into it he found a research about the disease coming from unrequited love. He let out a bitter laugh and clicked the link, reading that flowers start to bloom inside the victim and left long enough could lead to death. Youngjae paled seeing it could cause death and quickly scrolled past and looked for a part saying it could be cured. Feeling a wave of relief Youngjae let a sob come out and then sighed seeing in bold typing, Cures For Hanahaki. Youngjae reads the article to himself and stops seeing only one cure.   
‘Hanahaki can only be cured by the surgical procedure of removing the bud, side effect of surgery is losing all feelings for the person the patient is in love with’   
Youngjae felt his heart drop to the pit of his stomach. Lose all feelings for Jaebum? Thinking of losing every feeling for him seemed like it would be more painful than it is now.   
‘For now I just need to keep this under control, I’ve got this I can suppress this!’ Telling himself to cheer up in his mind Youngjae looks back at the flower petal still in his hand. Opening his phone again he searched like crazy for what type of flower the petal came from.  
‘In the flower language, camellia flowers stand for to long for someone/you’   
“The type of flower I throw up has meanings?” Youngjae gulped. He needed to get these feeling under control. He didn’t want to end up having a flower meaning death grow in him. Finally feeling ready to get up, Youngjae snuck out of the bathroom and headed to his shared room. Looking into the room Youngjae saw his roommate sitting on his own bed reading a webcomic on his phone. Quietly entering the room Youngjae discreetly throws the petal into the trash bin and lays down on his bed letting out a sigh. A brown eye moving to look at Youngjae, the red head fully turns his head to look at Youngjae.  
“What’s wrong with you?” Tilting his head and curious on why the younger was sighing. Youngjae looked over to the oldest member and wondered if he should ask him for advice, shaking his head Youngjae decided to just go for it.   
“Mark hyung, have you ever loved someone so much but you know they just don’t see you the same?”  
Marks eyes softened and fully sat up facing Youngjae, patting the spot next to him and patiently waited for the other to join him. Youngjae slowly got up and laid down next to Mark, laying his head in the oldest’ lap, Youngjae finally felt relaxed and safe. The oldest was always kind and soft when it came to Youngjae and made him feel safe. Petting Youngjaes hair Mark hums as he thinks of his answer.  
“To answer yes I have had a love like yours, it hurt but I knew if I didn’t let it out it would be even harder to bare the pain. So I told the person and they only thought of me as a friend and rejected me. It hurt of course but after that I felt freed and moving on felt easier than it would have if I didn’t. I’m only guessing but is the person you’ve fallen for Jaebum?”  
“How did you know?” Youngjae turned his head up to look at Mark, eyes wide open. His sharper than average canines showing with that knowing smile Mark had. Letting out his weird giggle, Mark smiled wider, eyes crinkling with his pure joy.  
“You are like an open book, others may not notice but I sure have noticed that loving look you constantly give him and to be honest I’m surprised no one noticed.” Mark stuck out his tongue in a teasing manner. Youngjae covered his face in embarrassment and grumbled at the oldest. Mark let out another laugh and continued to pet Youngjaes hair.

——-  
“Maybe Mark hyung is right, maybe it would be better if I just confess to Jaebum and get it over with,” Youngjae grumbled to himself. The petals have started to grow in quantity and it made Youngjae think maybe he should just go for the surgery. Not wanting to think about it Youngjae flushed the toilet, watching all the petals swirl down. Standing up and washing his hands Youngjae looks up into the mirror above the sink and stares at his reflection. He’s gotten paler these past few weeks. The only one who knew about Youngjaes whole situation was Mark and Youngjae made sure Mark promised not to tell anyone. Concerned as he was, Mark was making sure to keep it all quiet. Walking out of the bathroom Youngjae looked up and stopped surprised who was in front of him with concerned eyes.  
“Hey, I don’t know what’s been happening with you, but you seem distant and sick recently.” Jinyoung rubbed at his neck shifting around, not used to consulting or showing affection to others.   
“Ah yeah just sick don’t worry about it, I just don’t want anyone to catch my sickness,” Youngjae avoided eye contact with the other and tried to move to the side and walk away. Jinyoung stopped him and made him turn around.   
“Are you sure you’re okay you’ve been going to the bathroom a lot more often and it doesn’t seem like you’re getting any better. Mark seems to be the only one to know what’s been going on but everytime I ask him he just changes the subject.” Stopping his rant to breathe Jinyoung sighs and closes his eyes. Opening them up again he looks at Youngjae with pleading eyes.  
“Please, just tell me what’s wrong I feel like I’ve done something wrong and don’t try to say you’re not because I can tell you’ve been avoiding only me and Jaebum.”  
Youngjae felt stuck and didn’t know what to say. He looked down in shame and definitely didn’t want to say the reason. How would Jinyoung react to the fact that Youngjae also loved Jaebum so dearly and being anywhere near Jinyoung made him feel like crying. Youngjae felt the oh so familiar lump growing in his throat. It can’t happen right now. Not with Jinyoung right here. Youngjae turned his body as quickly as he can and tried to hold in the cough in his throat. Feeling desperate tears growing, Youngjae tried to get out of Jinyoungs strong grip. As if god came and answered Youngjaes pleas, Jinyoungs grip was lifted off his sleeve and Youngjae only caught a glimpse of red hair being the one to come and help Youngjae escape before bolting back into the bathroom and finally let all the petals come out. Something was different, instead of the usual pink camellia petals, they were replaced with bright yellow and red tiny petals. Youngjae started in disbelief. Quickly taking out his phone, Youngjae typed in the flower colors looking for the meaning.  
‘Marigold flowers represents cruelty; grief jealousy’  
Youngjae stared at the definition with shaky hands. He was desperate now. He’s coming closer to death than he wished for. Youngjae turned his head to the door, hearing the handle turn. Scared that it was Jinyoung again, Youngjae was instead greeted with a concerned Mark.   
“Is it worse than it was before?” Mark came closer and started rubbing the others back hoping to soothe him.  
“I don’t know what to do, Hyung” Youngjae started to sob as the crashing weight of death being close scared him.   
“I’ve read more into it and your only option now is to do a deep surgery, you’ve had it stay untreated for too long and now it’s severe. I’ll be here for you when you are ready to set up an appointment okay?”  
Sniffling as best as he could Youngjae nodded trying to keep his shoulders from shaking. He felt so weak and powerless. He couldn’t even break away from Jinyoungs grip before. He couldn’t take it anymore. Grabbing Marks hand and squeezing it, Youngjae looked up at the oldest and whispered softly.  
“I’m ready to just do it.”  
“Okay.”   
———  
“Youngjae what’s this all of a sudden? Why are you going to the doctors?? Why didn’t you tell us you were super duper sick??” The hyperactive blonde whined while shaking Youngjae.  
“Jackson, stop it. Youngjae hyung probably didn’t want you to be freaking out and bother him like you are right now” The youngest of the group rolled his eyes and grabbed Jackson by the collar as the older one cried about trust issues.  
“Yugyeom is probably right Jackson, you’re mad annoying when someone is sick or something.” The second youngest appeared behind Yugyeom with a smirk.   
“You’re just as annoying with all your damn memes you cringey lengthy string bean!” Jackson ran after the skinny boy and tried to drop kick him while the other only laughed and ran away.   
“Bambam, Jackson please you are being too much early in the morning.” Mark came out of the bathroom brushing his teeth, and scolded the two hyper children.   
Youngjae smiled at the scene. It was indeed way to early for their shenanigans but it warmed Youngjaes heart to see his active friends. Finishing on getting ready for the surgery, Youngjae met up with Mark at the front door and turned to say bye to everyone. Giving hugs to Jackson, Bambam and Yugyeom, Youngjae turned to the last two members. Smiling softly Youngjae hugged Jinyoung tightly and wished him the best. Confused but smiling anyways Jinyoung thanked him and let go. Youngjae turned to the last one he hasn’t talked to in awhile. Jaebum gave him a concerned look but didn’t say anything. That was how the leader always was. Silently concerned but never knew how to express his emotions. Jinyoung and Jaebum really did belong together, they had so much in common and already work well together going by how they’ve been working together longer than the rest. Closing his eyes Youngjae gave a long hug to Jaebum and apologized.  
“I’m sorry I never told you anything, you mean so much to me and sadly it seems we are not on the same page. I wish you the world of happiness and after I come back, just know how I see and treat you will be different. Please don’t let our relationship be in vain because of all of this.” Moving away without looking at Jaebum, Youngjae puts on his shoes and walks out the door with Mark.   
——  
White.  
That was all Youngjae saw. He felt blind and numb. What happened? Where was he? It seemed like he couldn’t recall anything. He only knew one thing. He still loved Jaebum. With that one thought every feeling and thought rushed back into Youngjaes mind. It all hurt, mind and body only aching Youngjae tried to open his eyes. Cracking his eyes open Youngjae was blinded by the piercing white. Trying again Youngjae fully opened his eyes and looked around as best as he could. He could see Mark fast asleep next to him. Trying to move his limbs and open his mouth to call out to Mark, Youngjae wiggled his fingers and only made a small squeak. Frustrated, he tried again. This time he could hear his hoarse voice calling for Mark. Waking up instantly Mark looked at Youngjae and let out a soft cry, so happy to see Youngjae awake.  
“How are you feeling?” Mark softly pushed Youngjaes hair back, looking at him with soft eyes like a mother caring for her sick child.  
“I’m doing okay though my throat and stomach feel sore” Youngjae let out a hoarse chuckle but winced at the pain it brought.  
“I’ll go tell the doctor you are awake and get you some water okay?”  
“Yeah, don’t worry I’m not a child, hyung.” Mark let out a little laugh and got up and headed to the door before stopping before opening it.  
“Oh, and someone is here to see you….are you sure you are going to be okay? By yourself I mean.” Mark looked to Youngjaes hesitant eyes and waited for his answer.  
“Yeah, it’s okay.” Youngjae answered with a quiet voice. Mark nodded and opened the door finally, looking to whoever was out waiting he said a quick word than went off to find the doctor. A knock on the door than it sliding open made Youngjae look up. Small eyes, framed by the square glasses the leader sometimes wore, looked at Youngjae with a glimmer of relief on seeing him awake.   
“Hey, how are you doing?” Jaebum softly said, treating Youngjae as if he was porcelain glass.  
“You don’t have to act all cautious with me, it’s not like I’m dying or anything.” Youngjae rose and eyebrow with a bemused smile growing on his lips, obviously amused with the weird behavior Jaebum never showed before.  
“Well I don’t know how to act around you, this is something I never thought I would have to go through.” Jaebum paused and quietly moved to the chair next to Youngjaes bed. He seemed like he had a lot to say so Youngjae kept quiet waiting for the Leader to say something else.   
“Can I get the full explanation on what this whole situation..is?”   
Laughing at Jaebum struggling at coming up with a sentence, Youngjae winced a little bit and calmed down, closing his eyes and basked in the silence. Hearing Jaebum awkwardly shuffle next to him, Youngjae opened his eyes and looked to Jaebum with a sympathetic smile.  
“I had unrequited love, so strong to the point it was close to killing me. It sounds weird but flowers started to bloom and suffocate me. Surgery was the only thing I could do before it killed me.” Youngjae shrugged as if it was no big deal. Jaebum stared at him with disbelief.  
“Well who was it you loved?”  
Youngjae hesitated on answering but felt no love for Jaebum anymore as sad as it was, the feeling was oddly refreshing.  
“You!” Youngjae chuckled at how clueless Jaebum was.  
Jaebum stayed stunned, mouth agape. At that moment the door slammed open and arguing could be heard. Youngjae smiles at the rowdy crowd. Jackson and Yugyeom bothering Jinyoung and Mark holding Bambam in a headlock as the younger probably said something to annoy the other. Maybe it was better to keep it like this. If he had to sacrifice his love for Jaebum just to be able to see all six of the loser members everyday. He would gladly.

.*;-EXTRA~*•-  
Youngjae decided not to do the surgery and kept his feelings. The day of death was close and Youngjae couldn’t get out of bed anymore. Mark constantly tried to keep Youngjae healthy but of course nothing worked. Finally the day the lily petals came out Youngjae knew it was time. As he grew weaker the others stayed by his side too.   
“Why didn’t you tell us? Why keep sick until death??” Jaebum had tears welling in his eyes asking these questions. Youngjae held Jaebums cheek and smiled.  
“Snip snip cuz I love you bitch” Youngjae then died with his final breath.  
….

**Author's Note:**

> Hnng this is the first time I'm posting one of my fics,,,, I'm not expecting much tbh and sorry if it's shitty oof. Thanks for reading if you did read and hope you enjoyed the extra ending ;')


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